I was just discharged from an eating disorder inpatient unit after spending four and a half months there. It feels like it took me so much longer to get here, and my recollections are patchy and blurred. It’s only recently the fog is starting to thin, and my brain hosts a bed from which seedlings of hope and self-belief are tentatively beginning to sprout.
I feel scared. This was only the start of what will undoubtedly be a long and exhausting journey as I try to get better. I am a weak swimmer that having cast aside my armbands still needs a surround of floats to clutch onto., and I’m still in the shallow end.
I also feel sad. Suddenly alone and missing a foot. Uneasy with how quiet it is.
I wouldn’t have made it this far without the solidarity and invaluable support provided to me by my fellow EDU patients.
This is to the precious ones.
The ones that held me up, that listened to me cry, that listened to me talk.
You made me laugh, and laughed alongside me. You made it feel okay to laugh.
You offered a smile, a hug, a “it will be okay”, a knowing look.
You encouraged me, applauded me, reassured me. Understood me.
Every one of them has made a difference to me in some way. I am truly grateful to them all, and thankful.
The best of people are the ones that struggle to see it - which breaks my heart. They are the most unique, the most memorable, the most talented. good natured and worthwhile.
I will miss then, I will think of them often, and sometimes “goodbye” is jrather a “see you on the other side., where we can start creating better memories.”